dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
