Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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