I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Is it because I queefed?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
