Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
