i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is the high leading the old right now
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
