Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
