dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
