I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
