Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is Oprah even human
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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