I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize