tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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