The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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