Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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