i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
