It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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