were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
