With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
His nipple licking is glorious
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