did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
