I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
