i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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