Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
