hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Damn victory sex feels great
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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