I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
