and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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