Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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