I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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