do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
