I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
