What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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