oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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