I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
