So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
