I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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