Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
