I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
