If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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