We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize