I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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