I wannas sexs uuuuu
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
