I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize