Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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