I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
