I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
honey bunches of taint.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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