They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
