I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
