I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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