Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
