apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The uberlube is also flammable
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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