i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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