accomplished twins. life is a go
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
