did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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