Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
