I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
