it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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