I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
