there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
