I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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