I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
