I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
