yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
