wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
